tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
