apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
