i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
