but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
