ugly people sure do ruin things
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
When are your genitals available?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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