There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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