that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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