Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
