i just google imaged poop.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
