Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
