a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i think i have two assholes
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Randomize
