Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
