Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We need to rekindle our bromance
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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