My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
