I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
