This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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