Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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