There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
