who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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