Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
