I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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