Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
