apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
