The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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