I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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