he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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