I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
