There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
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Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
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Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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