I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
