Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He did a backflip because drugs
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
