We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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