im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
