i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm getting married
To pizza
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