Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
