Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I can't put those talents on a resume
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
