Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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