Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I met the friendliest cop last night
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
