if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
