sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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