Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
