If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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