All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
