thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm really busy with my period
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