I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Life is so much better after having sex.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
