The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
