I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
