i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
