My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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