Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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