is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Houston, we have a squirter
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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