Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
