I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
and you fell through a lawn chair
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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