I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
