Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
