Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
