just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
