I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
