i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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