Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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