We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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