You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
