Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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