hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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