Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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