I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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