I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
