whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize