in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
