My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Drake has all the answers
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
