Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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