butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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