you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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