I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I understand Curling. That high.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I fill condoms, not promises.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
