Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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