wat bout pragnant strippers??
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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