am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
