WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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