dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
