Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
