your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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