There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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