I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I have aggressive nipples.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
