Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
