Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
