wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
