i permit you to call me
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
