Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I think I am morally bankrupt
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
