I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
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