Im at strip club and am horny
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
