just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
that may or may not have been my penis.
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