She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
