omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
