it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
