just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
