Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
