Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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