did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
